> be me
> deutsch as fuck
> wake up at 6 a.m., but snooze alarm because scheiß drauf
> breakfast? kaltes Bier und eine Wurst
> check Kontoauszug: -€69, overdraft life baby
> "Läuft bei mir."
> get in my 20-year-old Golf
> exhaust louder than my neighbor’s brat screaming
> first stop? Lidl
> buy Bier, Brötchen, and a generic Currywurst
> old lady takes forever at the Kasse
> yell "SCHNELLER, OMA, ICH HAB’ KEINE ZEIT!"
> she glares at me
> leave without paying for the Pfandflasche, living on the edge
> stop at the Autobahn
> floor it to 200 km/h because rules don’t apply to me here
> some Dutch dude in a caravan tries to merge
> laugh in German and cut him off
> yell "WILLKOMMEN IN DEUTSCHLAND, HOLLANDER!"
> arrive at home
> drink Bier while watching RTL2, reality TV trash for the win
> neighbor complains I parked on the Gehweg again
> "Das ist mein Deutschland, nicht deins, Klaus."
> finish day with Döner and another Bier
> best fucking day ever
